How often do couples have sex? Statistics and affecting factors
There is no specific number of times a couple should have sex. Learn more about how often couples have sex here.
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Medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD — Written by Jenna Fletcher — Updated on June 25, 2024How often a couple has sex will vary. Their sex life will be unique to them. Different factors, such as a person’s age, overall health, and life events, can affect a person’s libido and how often a couple has sex.
If people are not satisfied with their sex life, there are some steps they can take.
This article examines how often couples have sex and breaks down the statistics and factors affecting them.
How often do couples have sex?
Share on PinterestVladimir Tsarkov/Getty ImagesAccording to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, there is no standard frequency of sex, providing everyone in the relationship is happy.
How often a couple should have sex depends on what the people in the relationship decide works best for them. This can range from no sexual activity at all to a few times a day, week, or year.
Based on 2020 research, the following percentage of adults aged 18 to 44 with a steady partner engaged in weekly sexual activity:
| Men | Women | |
|---|---|---|
| Heterosexual | 50.8% to 55.8% | 52.6% to 57.2% |
| Gay, lesbian, or bisexual | 32.8% to 53.7% | 44.7% to 59.2% |
The following table outlines the frequency of sexual activity for married couples from 2016 to 2018:
| Frequency of sexual activity | Men | Women |
|---|---|---|
| not at all | 1.7% | 1.3% |
| once or twice a year | 5.2% | 5.5% |
| 1 to 3 times a month | 35.4% | 32.4% |
| weekly or more | 57.7% | 60.9% |
The same research noted the frequency of sexual activity for those who had one or two partners in the last year in 2012:
| Frequency of sexual activity | 1 partner | 2 partners |
|---|---|---|
| not at all | 6 | 0 |
| once or twice a year | 30 | 13 |
| once a month | 48 | 8 |
| 2 to 3 times a month | 98 | 11 |
| weekly | 90 | 9 |
| 2 to 3 times per week | 177 | 18 |
| 4 or more times per week | 58 | 18 |
The authors of a 2019 article found that the median number of times people who were cohabiting or married had sex was three times per month. Married or cohabitating couples are more likely to have sex more often than people who are single, divorced, or widowed.
Affecting factors
There will be times when couples have more or less sex than is typical for them. Factors that can affect how often a couple has sex include:
- A person’s overall health: Medical conditions, medications, and other treatments can affect a person’s sex drive. For example, people may experience hormonal changes during menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause. Males with low testosterone may become less interested in sex. Antidepressants can also decrease a person’s libido.
- Age: People may be more likely to have less sex as they age. This can have an association with a person’s health and hormonal changes.
- Relationship changes: As people are in a relationship for longer, it may become more routine. It is important for couples to maintain open communication to discuss their sexual needs.
- Life events: Work, familial responsibilities, and day-to-day responsibilities may leave people tired and preoccupied. Couples may find it beneficial to schedule date nights and nurture their relationship.
World events can also affect how often couples have sex. For example, in a 2020 study in China, 37% of participants reported a decline in overall sexual frequency during the height of the COVID-19 outbreak.
However, in the United Kingdom, sexual activity increased in those who were in serious relationships compared to those who were casually dating during social lockdown.
Research from 2022 found that the pandemic led to a more active sex life for married people in Singapore, which appears to have persisted after the lockdown ended.
What are the benefits of an active sex life?
Having sex can benefit a person’s health.
Research shows participating in regular sexual activity benefits health, well-being, and quality of life. People who have an active sex life may:
- be more physically fit
- be happier
- have better cognitive function
- have an increased life expectancy
- have a better immune function
- experience less stress
However, while sexual activity may enhance health, these findings may be true because people who have sex more often tend to be healthier from the outset.
Having sex can also promote relationship satisfaction in couples. Research shows that sex and affection have a positive association. Sex and the increased affection that accompanies it affect relationship satisfaction.
How can not having enough sex affect people?
A 2015 study reported that sexual frequency is not as important to well-being as previously thought. It indicated that for those in relationships, the frequency of sexual activity does not have a significant association with well-being.
However, sexual experiences are an essential part of the quality of life for some people. Not being able to meet their sexual desires can result in sexual frustration. It may also lead to higher levels of depression.
Should couples be planning sex?
A couple that finds making time for sex challenging may want to plan when they have sex.
Scheduling sex has some benefits, including:
- being able to prepare physically and mentally for sex
- looking forward to the experience
- prioritizing the relationship
What to do if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other
People may find that their sex drive fluctuates throughout their lives. At times, this may lead to one partner having a higher sex drive than the other.
This is known as desire discrepancy, a common phenomenon in relationships.
If a couple finds they have mismatched libidos, it is possible to find solutions.
People can:
- Communicate: Couples may benefit from talking about sex and their needs.
- Compromise: According to 2020 research, masturbating alone or with their partner may be an option for those who have a higher sex drive than their partner. If people do not want to engage in penetrative sexual activity, they can try oral sex or using sex toys.
- Engage in other forms of intimacy: People can engage in other forms of intimacy, such as hugging, kissing, and washing together.
Learn more about mismatched sex drives and how to manage them.
Getting help
If a couple feels dissatisfied with their sex life, they may want to consider a sex therapist or a couples therapist.
Couples therapists specialize in working with couples on relationship issues. To search for a couples therapist, a person can visit the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists website. They can use the search feature to locate a nearby therapist.
Learn more about the best online couples counseling.
A sex therapist has particular training to help people with their sexual issues. These mental health professionals provide guidance and support through discussion and therapeutic techniques. To find a sex therapist, a person can try the referral directory on the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists website.
What happens during sex therapy?
Sex therapy typically involves meeting a sex therapist in an office setting. People can attend these sessions alone or with their partners.
Sex therapists will assign homework tasks, such as:
- Experimentation: This can include role play, using sex toys, or trying various positions.
- Sensate focus: This can help build trust. Couples will begin with touching that is not sexual, then progress to touching the genitals, and end with penetration.
- Education: The therapists may provide learning resources, such as web content or books.
- Communication: The therapist may ask people to practice communication about their sexual needs.
Cost
Costs of couples therapy or sex therapy can vary widely, and insurance may not cover it. However, some diagnostic sexual disorders, such as erectile dysfunction and female sexual interest/arousal disorder, may qualify for sex therapy under a person’s insurance.
A person looking for more cost-effective options may want to try online therapy. People can also enquire with different therapists about sliding scale fees.
»Our PicksOnline Sex Therapy Platforms We’ve Vetted
Frequently asked questions
The following are some common questions about how often couples have sex.
Is it normal or healthy for couples to have sex every day?
There is no set amount of sex a couple should be having.
While research indicates that having sex once a week is associated with greater relationship satisfaction, there is no research that indicates that having sex more often increases relationship satisfaction.
A couple will find that the frequency of sex may vary and can occur every day or less frequently at other times.
Does having less sex than usual mean people are not happy in their relationship?
Having sex less often may indicate a person is not happy in their relationship, but the decrease in sexual frequency may stem from other issues such as:
- stress
- family life
- hormonal changes
- illness
How often should couples have sex?
There are no hard and fast rules about how often a couple should have sex.
It is entirely dependent on the relationship. Every couple is unique and can decide what works best for them.
This can range from no sexual activity at all to a few times a day, week, or year.
What is the normal sex frequency by age?
According to a 2020 study, there is some variation in sexual frequency across different age groups. More specifically, of the 9,504 people who took part in the study, the following sex frequency applied :
- 18 to 24 years: 37% of men and 52% of women had sex weekly or more.
- 25 to 34 years: 50% of men and 54% of women had sex weekly or more.
- 35 to 44 years: 50% of men and 53% of women had sex weekly or more.
However, it is important to note that there is no such thing as an average sex frequency. Every relationship is unique, and a couple can decide what works best for them.
What is a healthy sex life?
A healthy sex life is multifaceted and varies greatly among individuals. However, here are a couple of elements that are universally recognized by health professionals:
- Consent and communication: A healthy sex life is founded on mutual consent and open communication between partners. Both parties should feel comfortable expressing their desires, boundaries, and any concerns they may have.
- Being flexible and willing to compromise: Flexibility and understanding are important as sexual needs. Capabilities can change over time due to factors such as aging, health issues, and life stressors.
Summary
There is no correct number of times a couple should have sex. People may find that they engage in more or less sexual activity depending on factors such as age, health, life events, and relationship changes.
It is important for couples to communicate their sexual needs with their partner.
If a couple feels that they are experiencing challenges with their sex life, they may benefit from consulting a couples counselor or sex therapist.
- Sexual Health / STDs
How we reviewed this article:
SourcesMedical News Today has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.- Are couples with unmet sexual needs less satisfied with their relationships overall? (n.d.). https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/are-couples-with-unmet-sexual-needs-less-satisfied-with-their-relationships-overall
- Carcedo RJ, et al. (2020). Association between sexual satisfaction and depression and anxiety in adolescents and young adults. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7036876
- Clark AN, et al. (2024). “It’s an ongoing discussion about desire”: Adults’ strategies for managing sexual and affectionate desire discrepancies in romantic relationships. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38605513/
- Debrot A, et al. (2017). More than just sex: Affection mediates the association between sexual activity and well-being. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28903688
- Flynn KE, et al. (2016). Sexual satisfaction and the importance of sexual health to quality of life throughout the life course of US adults. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5075511
- Gianotten WL, et al. (2021). The health benefits of sexual expression. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10903655/
- Li W, et al. (2020). Challenges in the practice of sexual medicine in the time of COVID-19 in China. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7188657
- Muise A, et al. (2015). Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550615616462
- Tan PL. (2021). Changes in frequency and patterns of marital sexual activty during COVID-19: Evidence from longitudinal data prior to, during and after lockdown in Singapore. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8763353
- Ueda P, et al. (2020). Trends in frequency of sexual activity and number of sexual partners among adults aged 18 to 44 years in the US, 2000–2018. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7293001
- Vowels LM, et al. (2020). Strategies for mitigating sexual desire discrepancy in relationships. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7058563
- Wellings K, et al. (2019). Changes in, and factors associated with, frequency of sex in Britain: Evidence from three national surveys of sexual attitudes and lifestyles (natsal). https://www.bmj.com/content/365/bmj.l1525
- What happens during sex therapy? (n.d.). https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-happens-during-sex-therapy
- What is the “normal” frequency of sex? (n.d.). https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-the-normal-frequency-of-sex
- Wignall L, et al. (2021). Changes in sexual desire and behaviors among UK young adults during social lockdown due to COVID-19. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2021.1897067
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SourcesMedical News Today has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.- Are couples with unmet sexual needs less satisfied with their relationships overall? (n.d.). https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/are-couples-with-unmet-sexual-needs-less-satisfied-with-their-relationships-overall
-
Carcedo RJ, et al. (2020). Association between sexual satisfaction and depression and anxiety in adolescents and young adults. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7036876
-
Clark AN, et al. (2024). “It’s an ongoing discussion about desire”: Adults’ strategies for managing sexual and affectionate desire discrepancies in romantic relationships. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38605513/
-
Debrot A, et al. (2017). More than just sex: Affection mediates the association between sexual activity and well-being. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28903688
-
Flynn KE, et al. (2016). Sexual satisfaction and the importance of sexual health to quality of life throughout the life course of US adults. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5075511
-
Gianotten WL, et al. (2021). The health benefits of sexual expression. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10903655/
-
Li W, et al. (2020). Challenges in the practice of sexual medicine in the time of COVID-19 in China. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7188657
-
Muise A, et al. (2015). Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550615616462
-
Tan PL. (2021). Changes in frequency and patterns of marital sexual activty during COVID-19: Evidence from longitudinal data prior to, during and after lockdown in Singapore. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8763353
-
Ueda P, et al. (2020). Trends in frequency of sexual activity and number of sexual partners among adults aged 18 to 44 years in the US, 2000–2018. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7293001
-
Vowels LM, et al. (2020). Strategies for mitigating sexual desire discrepancy in relationships. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7058563
-
Wellings K, et al. (2019). Changes in, and factors associated with, frequency of sex in Britain: Evidence from three national surveys of sexual attitudes and lifestyles (natsal). https://www.bmj.com/content/365/bmj.l1525
-
What happens during sex therapy? (n.d.). https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-happens-during-sex-therapy
-
What is the “normal” frequency of sex? (n.d.). https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-the-normal-frequency-of-sex
-
Wignall L, et al. (2021). Changes in sexual desire and behaviors among UK young adults during social lockdown due to COVID-19. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2021.1897067
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